Quote from the Princess Bride
Marriage is not an easy task, obviously, right. Please introduce eye rolling and hearing, really lady!
Well my relationship had a slight twist recently. I'm sure sure once everyone is pass the blessed Honeymoon stage things change.. Do they change drastically? No, over time they do. I'm not sure where I am, or who I am at this moment in the relationship. I'm nervous because
1. I don't don't want to disappoint.
2. I don't want to appear selfish in anything that I'm doing.
3. I'm not 100% sure what I'm supposed to do.
I try to be there for the lumberjack. I try to be supporting and caring and I take care of everything around the house. But I feel unimportant. I feel like a small speck of carelessness that's left over on the bottom of a broom.
I'm going to mention something that no one should mention. Sex. Intimacy. Intercourse. Procreating. Whatever you want to call it. When to have it? When to not have it? I've become some what obsessed with intimacy and how it effects relationships. Has anyone ever watched 7 days of sex?
7-days-of-sex
I'm not saying that this is something I should do. Or something that is designed for any couple. It's interesting, we went from having sex on the regular to barely having it at all. I don't mean since our marriage but literally from day 1 of our relationship we would have intimate nights up to 5 times a week. Now it's barely one. At first, I'm sure most females go through this mentally, I thought it was me. I figured that on some level I wasn't pretty, or beautiful or lost some sort of sexual passion that we used to have for each other and that it was all my fault. Then I feel in a self loathing slump (hence the absence to the internet in general). With that being sad I went to my go to to make me feel better such as relentless Sex and the City marathons and fear for myself I realized that the issues won't solve themselves.
One date night we were laying in bed watching a movie, I couldn't even tell you what it was and I finally said something to the Lumberjack. His face was one full of emotions, embarrassment, sadness, shame. He's had the same thoughts going through his head and I had mine but didn't want to upset me to bring them up. So we did. Together. We talked and cried (which is a rarity for himself and myself since I tend to be a tad bit unemotional), through the tears came understanding. In his part it's for lack of wanting to, it's lack of energy etc. Lumberjack works 14 hours or more a day and is exhausted when he comes home. By the end of my day I'm completely drained mentally dealing with Munchkin and doctors etc.
We decided to talk actively and emotionally and openly with each other. I'm sure that it sounds simple and easy etc for most people but for me its hard to open up. To let myself have mistakes and not be this amazing person etc. (Just kidding on the amazing) It is incredible hard for me to fail, at anything and I don't want to fail at this. I also need to realize that there are no right or wrong answers for a marriage. A marriage is based solely on two people. Not the experience of 17 people and what they think.There are no rules, just honesty and understanding.
